Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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