I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
