i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
