Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
