I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
