Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
