i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
