She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
