hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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