Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
