I can tuck mytits in my pants
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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