I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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