I love black thongs
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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