i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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