You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hippo gnu deer
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
