is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
