I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
