You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
