I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
