Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
