Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize