I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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