i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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