dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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