I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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