quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize