How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
