Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
