So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
