All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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