I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
