batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my being single is dangerous.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
