In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
