her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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