Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
