put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
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tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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