WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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