Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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