can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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