he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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