their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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