3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
