he puts the penis in happiness.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
