I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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