I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
