She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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