he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
