Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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