i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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