woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
