i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
