Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
