Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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