Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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