My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
