Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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