so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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