I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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