Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
