I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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