I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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