New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
