so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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