NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
