i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found puke in my bra..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
