The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
