Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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