Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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