When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All the doctor said was why
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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