he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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