hotel room ftw
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
