I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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