My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
