You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
