Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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