so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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