maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
