Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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