david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
