Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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