the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
