Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
