forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
