I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
